Best of "2 Broke Girls"

"2 Broke Girls" is an American tv show that I love. My favorite character is Max, so you will find loads of her quotes in this post. Be ready for many double meaning quotes and enjoy.

1)
Caroline: "Happy Birthday! Now come on, blow."
Andy: "I don't really feel like doing that.."
Max: "Welcome to our world."

2)
Caroline: "This heel started to wobble."
Max: "Here, stick this in and hold it... I swear I've said that before but I don't think it was about shoes."

3)Caroline: "Dammit, I got a straight one." 
Max: "What makes you think he's straight."
Caroline: "He keeps pushing my head down before I'm ready."

4)
Max: "Let me sum it up: Twitter is stupid and Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read."

5)
Max: "Welcome to the Williamsburg Diner. My name is Max because the hospital won't let my mother name me ops."
Customer: "I've been out of town on Summer. Anything new?"
Max: "Anything new? Let's see.. Well, Facebook went public and Edward Snowden went private. Kim and Kanye had a baby so now there's another Kardashian to not keep up with. Paula Deen is out, gay marriage is in, and a teacher in California is out for letting her students get it in. Justin Bieber got a hit and run, Chris Brown got a hit and run, Rihanna got a hit and still didn't run. Oprah gave Lindsay two million dollars, cunnilingus gave Michael Douglas throat cancer and Michael Douglas gave guys everywhere another excuse not to do that. Egypt went crazy, Amanda Bynes went crazier and the NSA check our phones like a crazy ex-girlfriend. Oh and Texas hates women, Florida hates black and everybody hates everything with the exception of Angelina Jolie, who is totally awesome."

6)
Caroline: "Max, look, the mailman came."
Max: "Where am I looking? Your chest, your hair? Give me a hint."

7)
Oleg: "I will give you the money for trip to fancy dentist."
Caroline: "Really? Oleg you would do that..?"
Oleg "It's a favor I do for you.. And at some point, when I come to you for favor, you will say yes, like I say yes now."
Caroline: "Well, I need to know what that favor might be."
Oleg: "I can't say for sure."
Caroline: "Will it be in a week or a month?"
Oleg: "I can't say for sure."
Caroline: "Will it be sexual?"
Oleg: "Yes it will be. This I can say for sure."

8)
Nick: "Max, it's complicated."
Max: "What are we on Facebook?"

9)
Max: "Fine doesn't mean fine. The scale goes: great, good, okay, not okay, I hate you, fine."

10) 
Han: "Max why did you kick out all the hipsters?"
Max: "Because I cannot be in the background of another Instagram picture."

11)
Caroline: "In private school, we never bent down to put our mouths on anything unless it had a yacht."

12)
Caroline: "Max, do you think you can fake a stroke?" 
Max: "Fake a stroke, fake an orgasm. Basically anything that will get me out of work."

13)
Han: "Hipsters like karaoke."
Max: "Replace the word 'like' with 'Hitler' and you got the three worst things in history."

 

14)
Max: "I am not a fan of hearing what people have to say."

15)
Max: "The Pill's like 50 bucks a month, that's more than it costs to raise a damn baby."

16)
Han: "Be careful, you’re the very first."
Max: "We know how long you've been waiting to say that to a woman."

17)
Caroline: "I don't do one night stands."
Max: "All right, so don't stand. Lay down."

18)
Sophie: "Ahah no I'm not Kim Kardashian, I work for a living."

19) 
Oleg: "He's weak and girlish. A woman like you needs a real man. You know what they say once you go to Ukraine you will scream with sex pain."
Max: "That probably lost some of the sensual appeal in the translation, but thanks for the offer Oleg."

20)
Max: "You ca't give hipsters a karaoke microphone! That's like throwing gasoline on a pretentious fire."